Culture + Entertainment / Pop culture + TV

Would You Rather: How Freaky Are You?

A fun game of “would you rather” got me to question which limits I would be okay with pushing.


Aside from making it look like we are doing the job we were actually hired for, a day’s work usually consists of me and my co-workers coming up with interesting versions of “would you rather” to play. We go about the day asking each other variations of would you rather, pairing together the most random of options – usually making the other person as uncomfortable as possible.

To say the least, I suck at this game, but I find it funny to ask people whether they would lick some one’s foot or eat off the ground. That was child’s play compared to what my co-worker asked though. Without a warm up or leading question, my friend asked us whether we would poop in some one’s mouth for a small fee or do the same act for no money on some one we had been dating for years and whom we loved dearly.

It’s hard not to find an LOL-moment somewhere in this ridiculous segment of “would you rather”. But here’s some backstory. My co-worker often scrolls through Grindr and he said one night he received a message from another user. The two engaged in small-talk before the guy simply came out and asked my co-worker if he would “shit in his mouth”. My co-worker paused for dramatic effect and looked at us as if he had just seen a ghost and witnessed some one stealing his last piece of cake. My thoughts exactly.

I wondered: would this make me a hooker?

But the man seeking the deed wasn’t asking for a shit-filled face without offering to pay a little something for the straining (pun intended). He was willing to pay $200 for the services. My co-worker politely declined. Even as the guy went higher in his offering price, he continued to declined. Hence the birth of the newest question for our game.

Many of you may find this question as a no-brainer, but I admittedly had to think about it. Sure, it would be easier to shit on my boyfriend whom I was madly in love with and had been dating for years, but honestly, it was the idea of getting paid for my services that caught me up. I wondered would $200 really suffice me performing a disgusting act. I wondered: would this make me a hooker?

I’m trying to steer clear of shaming here, but honestly, shitting isn’t our most pleasant act as humans and digesting feces is actually harmful for you in terms of health. But even with my repulsion of the act, I still questioned doing it for the money. In terms of breaking down my thought process I figured doing it with a stranger was so much easier. All I had to do was go to a place of my choosing, shit in their mouth, collect my money and leave. That would be that; I would leave and never think of this person again. If it was with my boyfriend, on the other hand, sure it would be our little secret and it would be in the comforts of our own home, but I would have to continue that relationship and look at the face, which I shit on, everyday for as long as we were together. I think the memories of that moment lingering in my head would make me end the relationship. If I committed such a heinous crime as that, I never want to see you again.

The task of pushing while squatting over some one’s mouth warranted at least  $500.

Right when I thought I had my answer, another co-worker who joined the discussion brought up a small problem with taking the money. It wasn’t enough. If she were going to do it she needed much more than $200 and she had a point. Although I didn’t literally have to “eat shit” it was going to take a lot to fully go through with it. My other co-worker mentioned that the task of pushing while squatting over some one’s mouth warranted at least  $500. I could see their point, which made me rethink my answer altogether.

Still, I was firm against trying it with some one close to me. I didn’t want to know that freaky side of them let alone that side to myself. Unfortunately, no one has asked me to shit on them or even give them a golden shower, so in that sense, I guess I have some time. It’s interesting and hilarious to think about what people will do for money though. I’m not sure if I should be ashamed or find it comical that I would be willing to shit on a stranger for money. But to anyone reading this who has formed their own opinion of me, I have another question to add to the game: would you shit on a stranger for $1,000?

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