Lies straight guys fantasize about happening.
Did you know you and your best friend will eventually have sex with each other? Or at least me and my best friend will, according to the guy I’m dating right now. It was late at night, and we were on the phone talking about our jobs, old cartoon shows, and whatever we could think of to keep the conversation going. Midway through the conversation, I shared a hilarious, drunken memory that I had with my roommate from the night before. He laughed as I recalled our clumsy falls on my apartment’s wooden floor and our parading around singing in our underwear. As my story reached its climax, he paused for dramatic effect then said,
“you two are going to hook up one night”.
I asked him to repeat the statement, although I heard what he’d said. Again, he said it. I laughed for a solid five minutes before replying with a big, fat “NO” followed by a dismissal of his claim altogether. He didn’t stop though. He proceeded to explain how girls work, especially when they are drunk. I leaned into the phone conversation, intrigued at the thought of some guy telling me – a girl – how girls work.
He assured me that when girls get drunk, they usually get aroused or horny and are more open to trying new things. Although they might not be lesbians, girls will likely be attracted to their best friends when under the influence, and as a result, have one, hot night of sex. He said it’s natural. His rationale being: I’m around my best friend every day and night, and mixed with alcohol, our friendship transforms into a sexual attraction.
What the fuck. That’s basically all I could spit out. It made no sense. Admittedly, I could be a little horny when I was drunk, but I never envisioned having sex with my best friend as a temporary bandaid for my sexual frustration and loneliness. I was in fact, a straight woman; I had never kissed a girl, even as a ploy to seek attention, or been interested in exploring that option. While I contemplated the option of a threesome before, I toyed with that only as a one-time thing that I did in order to check something sexually adventurous off of my bucket list. It honestly never dawned on me – sober or drunk – to look at my best friend as a sexual obstacle I’d like to tackle.
We eventually transitioned to another focus, but the claim still stuck with me. I wasn’t angry; I thought it was kind of funny. He either didn’t know me at all or he had some twisted generalization of how drunk women operate. I’m sure that there have been best friends who have hooked up; some girls are curious and may not mind going there with some one who is familiar. But I wasn’t one of them. For those who like women, that’s great, but I was very uninterested in the site of my own vagina, let alone some one else’s. I knew it would never happen for me.
He either didn’t know me at all or he had some twisted generalization of how drunk women operate.
Still, it was funny to me that he was so sure it would. I imagined him on the other side of the phone having all the body language of a person who thinks they are right. But why was he so adamant? Had he heard of this happening so many times that he was convinced it was a recurring trend, or had he fantasized about it so much that he wished it to be true? I remembered in American Pie, when Stifler, Jim, and Finch snuck into a girl’s room and stood memorized in front of the girls as they almost kissed. Movies always exaggerated male fantasies, but in this case, my guy was these three characters from American Pie, and he was putting his fantasies on my best friend and I.
I understood the appeal of an intimate girl-on-girl moment, but I didn’t get the rationalization of creating an imaginary sexual relationship out of thin air. Even with my uncertainty, I grasped a quick glimpse at how guys view women’s relationships with one another. It was absurd and highly unlikely to me, but it was funny to see how an innocent friendship that was conceived in a mutual hate for the same people and love for the same ideas and subjects had suddenly transformed into a hidden infatuation for each other, masked by years of friendship and only brought out by a few sips of alcohol.
Days later, I told my best friend about this. We burst into laughter before I could say anything else. And as our giant laughs dulled down to silent chuckles, we just looked at each other for a moment, going over our own thoughts. And in that silence we didn’t kiss or hook up; we just grabbed two Angry Orchards and made a toast to years of friendship.