Think of the amount of pain you experience when you go to get a bikini wax. Think of the beads of sweat that slide down the temples of your head and moisten your stomach as your legs play dead beside you and a random woman sneaks in between them with a bowl of hot wax. Now multiply the pain and description by, let’s say, ten. The product may even be a little generous, but this is somewhat how it feels to give yourself a bikini wax.
I’ve been getting waxes for the past four years, since I was 18. I made the decision because I wanted to keep that area as neat as possible and because I was oddly uncomfortable with that aspect of being a woman. After doing my research on a couple of places, I chose to go to this place called Elizabeth Arden’s Red Door Spa. I talked to a woman at the front desk who recommended me a waxer named Anya, who usually handled younger clients. And although I can’t say that bikini waxes ever became one of my favorites experiences, I can say I got used to get them and Anya really did a great job of making me feel comfortable. After the first or second time, it almost felt natural to come into Anya’s room, undress from the bottom down, lay on the waxing bed with my legs open, and carry out a casual conversation with Anya as she ripped away the unwanted forestry. It was painful, yes, but in the end I got a smooth, hairless area. And to makes things better, I wouldn’t have to endure that pain for at least another month. And so it went for years. I would return from college, pay a visit to Anya and leave a happy customer.
Now I hate a cliché, but this one is true: all good things must come to an end.
Leading up to the last summer before my senior year in college, I was desperately in need of a visit to Anya. I had held out on my monthly fix for awhile and my situation down there was much more upsetting than usual. But I was running low on cash – Red Door Spa’s waxes do not come cheap unfortunately. So I decided to do the wax myself. I knew there were tons of do-it-yourself wax kits because after all, before there were spas, there were razors and home made kits.
I visited my local pharmacy/drug store and picked up a kit that was designed for sensitive, yet tough areas. When I got home, I read the instructions where it said to heat up the little container of wax for 30 seconds then pore it on the parts with hair and rip away. There were two major mistakes I made from the jump. First, after heating up the wax in the microwave, it didn’t seem hot enough so I put it back in for 45 seconds this time. That was too hot. Second, as most teens my age, I was uninterested in reading the instructions all the way through. If I had, I would’ve seen that I was supposed to trim some of my hair shorter so it would be easier for the wax to grip it all. I didn’t.
So great. There I was standing in my kitchen butt ass naked, already having made two mistakes and about to make many more. I decided to take the kit to my living room, where I laid a towel out on the floor. Remember, I had gotten at least ten bikini waxes by this point, so in some ways I knew a little about what I was doing. I laid on the towel in the same position I had laid out for Anya. I put the bowl of wax in between my legs, just as Anya had done, and proceeded to take one of the wooden sticks the kit had come with and dip it into the wax.
I nearly lost my mind. It was scorching hot!
When I slathered the first bit of wax onto a small area, I nearly lost my mind. It was scorching hot! I couldn’t even jump up or scream; I just laid there with my eyes wide and my mouth open, trying to make sense of the pain in my head. But you know what? I’m not a quitter. So I rested there for a moment before trying the now cooled wax. Again, I slathered a small portion of my skin. I wait approximately 10 seconds before summoning up the nerve to remove the wax (note: hard wax doesn’t require cloth. you just yank the hardened wax off your skin). I began to pluck at the hardened wax, and at first, everything seemed alright – almost better than going to Anya. Then I pulled back. If I wasn’t in my living room and in an apartment, I might have screamed. The pain seemed unbearable and to make matters worse, I had only peeled off a tiny bit of the section. And since I had forgotten to trim my hair, taking off the remaining section was almost impossible. I sat there for 3 minutes tugging and tearing up, trying to remove the wax from my skin. After I finally got it off, I sat there in silence, attempting to conjure up the rest of the strength and courage to finish.
One patch down, almost the whole vagina to go.
To spare you some of my pain, I’ll skip the details concerning removing each of the patches of wax. But for the record, I may have endured the most pain in my life – more than that with Anya, and even more than the pain I endured when I broke my ankle at summer camp. It think it was the tugging and scratching I had to do to remove the wax that made it worse. Anyway, I continued that for a good hour before I started to get to the last parts of the job. That’s when I realized the wax was almost completely gone. I had used so much trying to clean up the spots I had messed up and hadn’t paid any attention to how much I was working with. Plus, the wax seemed to be getting cold. So I quickly ran to the kitchen and heated it up again, which made things a little better because some of the excess wax that had dried around the edges of the container melted and added to my stash.
This time I knew not to immediately put the wax on my body and wait a couple of seconds. Then I was back on a role, so to speak. I endured another 30 minutes of tugging and pulling, and lifting my legs in weird positions to see what I was doing until I was my own version of finished. In the end, it looked 85-90 percent bald and the areas that were stripped, were pretty smooth. The areas that had a couple of tough strands, I plucked with tweezers.
I thought it was going to be easy, but my experience giving myself a bikini wax was nothing like going to get it done. It hurt ten times more and the result was far from the same. Since my first time, i’ve tried a couple more times, getting better and better with each try. Nevertheless, I think I would prefer to stick to the professionals. After all, they know what they’re doing.